DONT PANDER TO ME KID ONE TINY CRACK IN THE HULL AND OUR BLOOD BOILS IN 13 SECONDS A SOLAR FLARE MIGHT CROP UP AND COOK US IN OUR SEATS AND WAIT TIL YOU’RE SITTING PRETTY WITH A CASE OF ANDORIAN SHINGLES SEE IF YOU’RE STILL SO RELAXED WHEN YOUR EYEBALLS ARE BLEEDING SPACE IS DISEASE AND DANGER WRAPPED IN DARKNESS AND SILENCE
an unexpected heist | modern au
Thorin Oakenshield is the wretched heir to a fortune that was robbed from him and left him orphaned. With the help of a motley crew of aspiring robbers and not-burglars, he plans an elaborate heist to reclaim what is rightfully his, but little does he and the company know of the craftiness of the wily tyrant Smaug.
(note | not pictured here due to technical reasons: gloin, bifur and oin)
#go on arthur you can do this #remember what merlin said #do not panic this is easy stuff #no forget it i can’t do this #my horse i need a horse #excuse me, peasant, where can i get a horse? #WHAT DID YOU CALL ME BITCH, FUCK OFF #wow that’s rude, i sentence you to death.